LGBTQ+ Family Parenting Guide

Even with over a million same-sex couple households in the United States, there still exist both legal and financial hurdles that LGBTQ+ parents must navigate in building their families. 

To work through their challenges, LGBTQ+ families rely on resources such as support groups in inclusive communities in order to raise their l confidently as a same-sex family. We offer you some tips and supportive strategies to help you navigate your LGBTQ+ parenting journey in this article.

Same-Sex Families

In 2020 the Census Bureau recorded about 592,000 unmarried same-sex couple households in the U.S. By the following year, this number was over 1.2 million. A history of homophobia, exclusion,  and public scrutiny has made it challenging for these couples to not only marry, but also to become parents. 

With the increased acceptance of same sex-couples, same-sex families have increased, as have their options for parenting. Research has suggested that the children raised by same-sex parents fare just as well as children from heteronormative family settings. It has also been found that a  parent’s sexual orientation has no negative impact on the outcome of a child's development.

Challenges Facing LGBTQ+ Parents in Starting a Family

Laws and Regulations

Although U.S. federal law allows LGBTQ+ couples to build their families freely,  some states are more restrictive. As it stands, there are 14 states that allow state-licensed child welfare agencies to deny support services to children and families if doing so conflicts with their religious beliefs. 

Such regulations make it even more challenging for LGBTQ+ people and same-sex couples to build their families. LGBTQ+ parents hoping to have families need to be clear on the  laws that may affect custody or their rights as parents in the places they intend to live in. 

The Cost of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

Costs around family planning  for LGBTQ+ families come with some challenges. Assisted reproduction technology (ART), surrogacy, and even adoption all have high financial implications. ARTs tend to cost upward of $20,000, while surrogacy expenses range upwards of $60,000. 

As well there are legal implications regarding documentation and parental rights. Attorneys who specialize in Reproductive Law, are an invaluable resource for LGBTQ+ parenting plans, especially those involving adoption, ARTs, or surrogacy. The costs for specialized legal counsel may vary between $100 and $500 per hour.

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

LGBTQ+ parents experience the same concerns that all parents face when raising children. Concerns about finances, their responsibilities as parents, how to provide appropriate structures, teaching values, establishing healthy conflict resolution, and ensuring healthy development, among others.

LGBTQ+ families often face additional challenges around a culture that has been traditionally heterosexist, resulting in biases, social stigma, lack of familial support, discrimination, and bullying. In addition, these same biases may be used in court as cause to restrict or deny custody, and adoption. 

To this end, support groups, inclusive communities, and media exist to facilitate LGBTQ+ persons with family planning and parenting issues.

Support Groups

Many cities have community centers that host support groups, social events, and provide resources that are specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ parents and their families.

There are forums and support groups online as well that focus on LGBTQ+ parenting, where advice and experiences are shared, and bonds with other families in similar situations are created. 

Diverse TV and Books

Representing same-sex couples in storylines in the media allows children to feel seen and accepted, which builds in them more confidence about their family situation, when they see a family similar to theirs depicted in the media.

Some examples of shows, movies, and books that feature same-sex parents include, but are not limited to:

• Modern Family (TV)
• Mama and Mommy and Me in the Middle (picture book)
• Daddy and Pop (children’s book)
• Wendell & Wild (TV)
• Stella Brings the Family (picture book)
• A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo (children’s book)
• And Tango Makes Three (children’s book)

Check for Inclusivity

Find organizations and institutions that are supportive, inclusive, and nurturing of your diverse children and same-sex family by checking their policies on inclusion and discrimination before you enroll your children in them.

Therapy and Counselling

LBGTQ+ parents, and their children benefit from therapy, whether online or in-person, to help them work through any challenges or fears they may experience. The number of providers both in-person or online allows LGBTQ+ families to choose therapists based  on their needs.

Additional Resources

• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE)  helps the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
• Gay Parent Magazine:  Focuses on the experiences of LGBTQ+ families in international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, surrogacy, and more.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): Focuses on civil rights works toward achieving LGBTQ+ equality.
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): Educates and supports everyone who is a part of the life of a member of the sexual minority.
• Strong Family Alliance: provides support and resources to parents of LGBTQ+ children that are coming out.
• The Trevor Project: Is a nonprofit whose focus is suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ+ youth.

Bottom Line

Same-sex families are a minority subjected to scrutiny and limited representation in the media, but same-sex parents are just as capable of raising their children as other parents are. 

As the community of LGBTQ+ families continues to grow, same-sex families can find many support groups, communities, and resources to help them raise their children with ease.

Contact Us

Same-sex couples considering parenthood have a resource at Reproductive Partners Medical Group that is committed to providing relevant family-building services within the LGBTQ+ community. We provide personalized fertility treatments to all our patients at our fertility centers. Contact us today for more information.